A Dating-Site Profile: What if?

Calling all searching single ladies in your late teens, twenties, even early thirties: What if you filled out a dating-site profile similar to the one below? (Caveat: In this imaginary scenario, you do not have children from a previous relationship. Children add a whole extra dimension to internet-dating, or so I’ve read. Also, in this imaginary scenario your goal is to find a good man willing to marry you and have children with you. If you want a scenario for a “fun,” short-term relationship, read no further.)

You include:

– a full-body picture of yourself (not a selfie-with-duckface!), in a classy (not slutty) dress, with heels on, wearing subtle make-up, hair done (preferably long hair), standing somewhere nice, maybe outside (not in your bathroom or messy bedroom/living room). The picture is a full-body shot so the guy on the other end does not have to worry whether or not you are a “secret internet fatty.” You do, of course, have a healthy BMI because you know that’s best for both you and the man you hope will fall in love with you.

You describe yourself thusly:

* * *

– I am heterosexual and a female from birth. I actually had to look up what “cis-gendered” meant and when I found out, I laughed.

– I never had and never will have more than one boyfriend at a time.

– I am not one bit complicated.

– I am not sarcastic.

– I am not sassy.

– I do not swear.

– I do not have a single tattoo or extra piercing anywhere unexpected.

– I try to be a kind person.

– I am organized and tidy.

– I am not lazy.

– I have a sense of humor and can laugh at myself.

– I like to dress well, but I stay within my budget, my handbags only cost about $40.00, and I have an excellent credit rating. I am not in debt (except for reasonable car-and-housing/rent-payments).

– I enjoy listening to a man explain what he does for a living; I’ll be genuinely interested in how you do your work, and I’ll respect your talents.

– Unless we’re having a mutually interesting conversation, I won’t pester you with too much talking. I’ll save that for when I’m with my best friends, and then you won’t have to listen so that shouldn’t matter (and also, when I’m with them, I won’t bad-mouth you).

– I freely admit that I’m clueless about a lot of guy-stuff and guy activities. But I’ll make great snacks for your poker game with your friends before I slip out to the art gallery just as they walk in the door.

– If something clicks on those first few dates and we end up together as a couple, this is what I will bring to the relationship along with my commitment to love you, respect you, obey you and be faithful to you: I will do the household chores of laundry, ironing, vacuuming, bathroom cleaning, etc. (but if you offer to help sometimes I will gratefully accept your assistance); I am able to and will cook delicious meals from scratch, made with ingredients that you can find on the outer circle of a grocery store; I’ll try my best not to “let myself go;” I will try not to be an emotional burden on you; I will give you your space.

– I hope you will bring the following to the relationship: you were born a male and remain one; you’re healthy; you’re a good man with a decent character; you’re employed in an honorable job; you’ll be willing to wait until we’re married to have sex [Sorry, ladies of ROQ, but this author IS a Christian, so what’d you expect me to write? :-) In all seriousness, though, that request will certainly filter out the players.]; you’ll be faithful to me; you’ll do your best to be a great dad; you’ll love me and the kids.

– My main goal for the future is to be a happily-married wife and mother. If we have children together, I wish to stay home with the children if we can afford that, at least when they’re young.

* * *

Hmmmmm. I wonder how many responses you would receive, what those responses would be, and who would respond …

72 thoughts on “A Dating-Site Profile: What if?

  1. We’ll there’s a dream posting if I ever saw one.

    I’d certainly respond – and I’d certainly doubt the veracity of the profile.

    Edit – that said, I don’t do online dating. Has that truly become a viable, serious option?

    • I don’t know if it’s a serious option, jdavid. I’ve been out of the dating pool for a very long time. But the manosphere frequently makes fun of typical dating-site profiles from girls who constantly describe themselves as “pan-sexual [ugh], sassy, complicated, sarcastic” etc. So I had some fun imagining what a post might be like if it was made by an entirely different sort of woman.
      Thanks for commenting.
      p.s. There ARE girls like this imaginary poster out there, but they’re probably not looking for someone online because some lucky fellows probably already snapped them up.

      • And sadly, I’m the “idiot” for focusing on my career during college when *both* of those girls were still single.

        Not like I can start dating for another 6 months anyhow. Either way- keep up the awesome.

        • JD, there is no way you’re being an idiot for focusing on your career. Keep that focus for now. Not sure how old you are but you look early to mid 20’s. Finish college, get established in your career, then worry about finding the perfect mate. And here is where others may differ with me. I really do hope you at least have a little bit of fun while in college. Date, have fun, but of course study hard. Nothing wrong with dating around until you find the right one. Just don’t get led astray by some slut. Don’t ruin everything by being careless and getting someone knocked up.

        • And remember something else, JD: you will only become more attractive as you get older and more established. You are entering some of the best years of your life. If you’re still single at 28, or 30, with a steady income and no difficult baggage (kids out of wedlock, etc.), you will be a very sought-after young man. Women that age, and a little younger, recognize that ticking biological clock and will be actively look for guys like you. Question for you is, will you want the left-overs discarded by the players like the Manosphere men, or will you look for the girls who could create profiles like the one above?

          • Amen Deb!

            Also, I meant to say this earlier [shiny thing ;) ] but you have absolutely no need to apologize for being a Christian, and sharing your Christian views. You do so in a way that isn’t condescending and judgy, and people will listen to you. Your writing, I feel quite sure, is an extension of your inner soul. You’re not just regurgitating scripture, which does have it merits at the right time – your sharing a little bit of your spirit. Thank you for sharing it with us all. :)

          • Thanks for that comment, QB. The last thing I want to do is come across as judgmental. It’s just honestly been my experience through the years that God’s way is good for us.

          • Deb, You describe the Manosphere as being “the players”. You may wish to do a little more research. Although this is a portion of the Manosphere, most of it is focused on men getting back to being men, respecting their women (and finding women deserving of respect ie not sluts), providing for their families, keeping themselves in shape, and doing manly stuff. You have bought into the feminist meme of what the Manosphere is and it might not be wise to take the word of those who have the most to lose from the success of the Manosphere as to what it really is.

          • Thanks, JC. I have read Dalrock and a few other sites from men who are exactly as you just described, and I agree with you, and I’m glad they’re out there! I mentioned “players” in this post above because a woman looking for a husband will want to avoid men who only want a few nights of sex. I by no means think of every man in the “manosphere” (is there another term for the collection of male-bloggers who think like you just described?) is a player.

          • I think ,manosphere has become the overall group, one portion of which is the Pick Up Artists (PUA). I have little use for them but they seem to be becoming a smaller and smaller portion of the overall movement. Good recent article over on Captain Capitalism about where the manosphere is going.

            PS discovered that you were using Disqus and updated my profile (I haven’t used it much) which is why my screen name changed.

            I also didn’t mention that I thoroughly enjoyed your article and, as a man who has very traditional values, am looking forward to a time when men are stepping up to act the way they should towards women and women who are worthy of that commitment. Plenty of bad behaviour on both sides of this aisle which has led me, among others, to pretty much drop out of the dating game.

          • “both sides of the aisle” . . . I know, HSL, I know. And people on both sides of the aisle have seen this, and are trying to turn the tide. This site is just once example of that. Don’t give up on finding a good woman!

          • I wasted a few hours yesterday reading Return of Kings (since this site’s name was spawned from there); I wouldn’t let any of them near a woman I respected.

            Birds of a feather flock together. Captain Capitalism appears to be the type I would introduce to women; mainly from the strength of his moral standards & convictions – I’d also introduce anybody he considered a friend.

          • I think they’re just really young guys trying to figure things out. I hope eventually there will be a voice of reason introduced to them though. Lots of consistent hatred toward women over there. But, if you’ve been hurt over and over I guess you need a place to vent.

          • Oh, it was JC, my initials, but I only put up a couple comments before I changed it.

            Gordon, read more. There are some articles that are pretty hateful, but a lot of interesting articles on a lot of topics. I think the hateful/useful ratio leans pretty high towards useful but you have to filter. One of the more recent is the article on things men get credit for but shouldn’t be doing.

    • They do exist: met the GF on one: but it was a subscriber only local one for Kiwi professionals. The noise to signal ration on OKstupid and plenty of fesh is quite high. (Ladies, take note, the converse applies as well).

  2. I like this and agree with all of this! I’ve never done online dating though and probably never will. Not that there is anything wrong with online dating sites, I just don’t think my dad would ever approve.

  3. This is such excellent advice. Girls need to start hearing this kind of thing from their early teens so that they prepare themselves to be the kind of young women who can write such a dating profile.

    • You’re right. We do have to reach them before they begin the tattoo-ing and excessive pizza-beer-inhaling in college.
      And I should have added one thing more to the list:
      “- I have never taken a single course in ‘Women’s Studies.’ :-).

      • Ugh, I had to take TWO Women’s Studies classes at univ. AND I have a tattoo, which I very much wish I hadn’t gotten. I use my tattoo to teach our daughters about the importance of not making foolish, spontaneous decisions in one’s youth when the consequences last forever.

        • Heh. I almost got one once, and chickened out. Very thankful I did.
          Tell your daughters to google Lena Dunham trying to look good in a glamorous red carpet gown. It’ll turn ‘em off tattoos forever.

          • Yes, not very classy looking with a sleeveless evening gown. As I said above I have some. But even women as beautiful as Angelina Joli looks just a little trashy when she shows hers while wearing a formal. Another thing girls need to think about is if they get them where they show, this may limit where they can work. None of mine show when I work. Not that my boss disallows it, but because its essential I maintain a professional appearance while at work. Hard to do if you’ve got them all over the place. Its definitely not ladylike looking. If I ever let anyone see mine, they are shocked! Otherwise my appearance is … you know what? I’m going to blog about this soon. hehe

          • I look forward to reading it, QB! I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings about their tattoos, but I’ve talked to enough friends as old as me who’ve regretted theirs, and I’ve read enough online to find out that many guys don’t like the look of them, especially the big sprawling pieces of ‘art.’

          • Well you certainly haven’t hurt mine! Many people do regret getting them. And I would give young girls the exact same advice as you – don’t get them. I will write a cautionary tale. ;) Except it wont be a tale.

        • I have tattoos. I don’t regret any of them, but if I had a daughter I would strongly discourage her from getting any. Not only for the reason they don’t look feminine or pretty, but also because most young people don’t have the ability to choose a design that actually means something to them. Years later they wish they hadn’t had that name of that ex scraped into their skin. Or that silly huge flash art across the top of their chest. Those things are permanent ya know. rofl I realize most men don’t like them, but I didn’t get them for men. I actually like the ones I have.

    • Absolutely true SSM! Girls *aren’t* hearing this enough from an early age. It needs to be said, and said again. The only problem is many of their mothers are not of this thinking. Our current childbearing generation may very well be lost. Not sure yet. We can start working on our very young daughters and granddaughters. Thanks for stopping back by!

  4. Enjoy slogging through the flood of responses (many of them from good men) that you’ll receive. If you’re lucky, you’ll have paired up with your dream guy in a week or two. If you’re not lucky, you’ll have been turned of by the multitude of options and have problems due to the paradox of choice…

    And you don’t have to be nearly as attractive as the girl in the pic.

  5. Other than the “waiting until marriage” part, both my first wife (may she rest in peace) and my present wife could have written dating ads that were 99% exactly as posted. Women like that are out there & guys who appreciate & know how to treat them are out there.

    The key is to never settle for less than someone you can imagine growing old together with & being happy along life’s journey.

  6. Perhaps the best thing I can recommend is posting it on one or two of those online dating sites (under an assumed name) and seeing how many bites you get.

    Any halfway serious replies should be followed up with a note thanking the respondent for participating note and a referral to returnofqueens.com.

    • I had thought about doing that or having Deb do it. Thing is, I don’t think its a good idea to toy with men even if they are scoundrels. We shouldn’t turn them into our experiments, or use them for our own amusement.

      • I think if you said sorry for the deception and told them why you did the experiment, they would be quite understanding.

        • Yeah I know what you’re saying but still, I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Guys have a hard enough time finding good decent women. I don’t want to make it worse on them by engaging them in a farce.

  7. I’d marry you in an instant, and AND I will take what us old fashioned Christians take seriously the vows I promise not only to you ,but to god,your mother and father,your family , and our government. I will do my best to uphold them. I will be your shield , yourp rotector, never will you labour , as I am perfectly capable of bearing most physical labour that would be hard for you with ease. not only would I do it I would be happy to do it, I would be happy to honor you and respect you as well . and when someone insulted you for being a weak submissive domesticated animal I would verbally tear them apart, that goes along with honouring your wife. if this sounds interesting get back to me. ;)

  8. well
    l may steal some of this in the future.
    Questions about online dating:

    Will l get hundreds of unwanted msesages saying things like “u wan sex?” or “i wana lik u” or “well written message asking me to sell my body for $1000″

    If I turn a guy down on there, will he have the capacity to stalk me and track me down and cause me great trouble?

    Is it safe?

    And finally: are there really good men on there, or is it a ton of “thugs” looking for casual sex?

    • Hi Emily! I met my wonderful, ultra-fantastic Mr. L through online dating, so I’ll put in my two cents for you.

      1. Hundreds of unwanted, grammatically horrific messages, definitely not. Dozens? Absolutely. But don’t fret. There will be at least two or three decent, interesting messages in every dozen- you just need patience.

      2. While that no doubt happens to a miniscule percentage of women, the creepy stalker thing is not any more of an issue that it is in real life. Unless you share too much personal info, I wouldn’t worry about them tracking you down.

      3. See above for the safety thing. Steer clear of plentyoffish and sites that are clearly not geared towards LTRs. OkCupid is a good, free site to start out.

      4. Yes! Men create profiles for a spectrum of reasons, just like women. You’ll almost always be able to spot the “thugs” before you get to a face-to-face interaction.

    • Emily, I have absolutely no idea what online dating is like, except a few things I’ve read or heard. Some sites you have to pay to enter, I’m pretty sure, and then moderators carefully screen who gets in and who contacts who. There are sites for certain communities (like Christian online dating), too. All I can say is: tread carefully, as always!
      I thought up this list because I’ve read a few posts written by men who are disgusted with the online profiles they come across (for e.g.: the gals almost ALWAYS say they’re “sarcastic” and “sassy” and “complicated”, etc., and have a huge list about what they want from a man without saying what they’ll bring TO a relationship.) So I had some fun imagining a profile written by a very different type of woman.

  9. There is a great maw between what would be reasonable and what is reality these days. Sadly that request use to be the norm, now it’s such a rarity as to be a fantasy or even fictitious. Sadly. We have those femi-cretins to thank for it all.

    • This topic is talking about a dating profile advertisement – describing a wholesome woman with morals, integrity & values; someone with intelligence who does not need man to support her financially; someone who has an enjoyable life with solid friends. Someone who is willing to share her future with someone special.

      There are women like this – there are men like this. There have always been – there always will be. Don’t let the “femi-cretins” sidetrack you. Keep advertising while enjoying your life’s journey.

      And when you meet the perfect partner – jump into the pool with both feet.

  10. So I haven’t read through every comment yet (goodness there are a bunch!) but I actually found exactly what I needed via an online dating profile. I have never been interested in meeting men at work, bars, etc, so it was a perfectly serious and viable option for me.

    I have tattoos, a small nose piercing, and I do have an unusual, snarky sense of humor. I never claimed to be complicated, because that’s such an attention-whore way to go about that. I DID acknowledge up front that I am a handful, because that’s just a fact. I can see why you wouldn’t include it, but I just felt like I’d be setting myself up for failure if I left things like that out.

    I thought really carefully about what I did and did not include in my profile, and I have to say that it didn’t look anything like your dream profile, Deb. Not that yours isn’t wonderful- though I seriously doubt men would believe it for a second, sadly- but I felt like I should leave some of the things you included for a face-to-face conversation. I also felt like it was important to include things about my humor and my pervasive nerdiness, because I think that’s the kind of thing you should warn a man about before he meets you. c:

    Also, Deb, if you hadn’t mentioned that little caveat about being a Christian woman, I would not have known. You don’t come across as an over-zealous Christian at all- simply as a lady! Thanks for that.

    • “Also, Deb, if you hadn’t mentioned that little caveat about being a
      Christian woman, I would not have known. You don’t come across as an
      over-zealous Christian at all- simply as a lady! Thanks for that.”

      You got that right! That’s why we appreciate her so much here.

      And I agree you should put things in your profile letting men know the quality of your character so they know ahead of time what they’re getting into. Trying to make yourself seem like a quiet little imp wont play well when you’re face to face if you are really a fireball with a sharp tongue! lol

      • “Fireball with a sharp tongue” is an appropriate description. I’m told it’s something to do with the red hair… ;D

    • Heh. Thanks for your comment, LL. I know several wonderful, warm, happily married women with tattoos and piercings, who are also snarky! This post wasn’t meant to say you’re a complete turn-off to men, or undate-able, if you have those things. As I mentioned in other comments on this thread, I had read some men’s comments about all these online profiles that all say the same things (“sarcastic”, “complicated”, “sassy,” etc.), plus the men’s distaste of excessive tattooing and piercing, and I thought it would be fun to think up a profile made by a totally different woman and wonder what the responses of the men would be. I must say, though, that I TRY to be like this imaginary woman as much as possible (don’t always succeed …). That’s just how I was raised, for the most part.

      • This imaginary woman is someone I want to be more like, too. I thought about your post last night at the grocery store, funny enough. I ran in for a couple of random things and was reminded of the “I am able to and will cook delicious meals from scratch, made with ingredients that you can find on the outer circle of a grocery store” line. And I thought to myself, “AM I that woman?” So I walked the outer rim of the grocery store, and realized that while I can (and do!) cook with some of those things, I could definitely do better. So thanks for the little push in the right direction. c:

        • You’re awesome.
          I keep staples in the house (ground beef, porkchops, stewing meat, steaks, chicken – boneless and bone-in, fish), etc., and I look up recipes on the internet all the time. I love the internet! With cheese, chicken stock, spices, noodles, rice, potatoes and staple veggies, you can whip together great meals all the time, and you’re avoiding all those things companies put in their pre-prepared food. I confess to often using canned cream-of-chicken and cream-of-mushroom soup in recipes, though. My mother, who made everything from scratch, would be appalled, but sometimes we can’t go COMPLETELY back to the ’50s :-)

          • That’s it! I keep certain staples around all the time. Once I’m out of them I re-stock. We need someone to write something up on trusty stand by staples needed to keep around at all times. Hmmm…. anyone? hehe

          • I was just thinking that! I would e-bearhug a woman who could tell me what I need to keep my kitchen stocked with. Cooking is hard for me, honestly, because I’m pretty okay with only eating meat once or twice a week, and even at that it’s usually chicken or fish. IMy man is a “meat every meal and nothing too healthy-looking” kind of guy, so I’m struggling a little. Pinterest is really a lifesaver, but it’s a lot to slog through.

          • Ask and you shall receive. It will be forthcoming from one of us. Perhaps Deb, maybe me. Vanessa may also be good for it. Keep watching!

        • LOL! I do the same thing myself. I have to remind myself to NOT go for the easy and quick to prepare stuff in boxes and packages. I make myself purchase only things, yes, in the outside isles!!! That is the most simple and perfect instruction anyone could give. :)

    • Hi, LL. Would you be willing to lose the tattoos and nose piercing as part of marrying a good man? Before you explode in feminist fury “How DARE any man suggest I change!! I’m PERFECT the way I am!!!!!!!!”, consider this. It’s a concrete symbol that you’re leaving the feminism and the carousel aside, and choosing to be a woman, a REAL woman. Think of it as analogous to the red/blue pill choice Morpheous gave Neo in the movie “The Matrix.”

      • I’m not really sure what feminism and what carousel we’re talking about here, Luke. You must not have read my whole post or anything else I’ve posted on RoQ if you think I would ever “explode in feminist fury”. That actually made me laugh out loud.

        As for your question- would I ever leave aside my tattoos and nose piercing as part of marrying a real man? Well, as it turns out, I have one. And I will say that he told me he had never dated a woman with tattoos or piercings before he met me. However, my tattoos are a part of me. I don’t regret them, and being that they’re permanent and all, I can’t exactly leave them behind. The nose piercing though, I’m sure I will not have for the rest of my life. And if my man were to ever express that he didn’t like it, I’d be happy to get rid of it. Why? Because I respect him, and because he looks at my face WAY more than I do.

        • What people don’t get is that tattoos have very little to do with feminism. As I’ve said before I have many tattoos. I wasn’t a feminist when I started getting them, and I’m still not now. None of the women I”ve known who got them, or get them, are feminists either. Am I missing something with the tattoos=feminist thing?

          • I honestly don’t know, Queen. Maybe it has something to do with not being traditional? But truthfully, none of my tattoos or piercings have ever been about rebelling, or feminism, or anything other than loving the idea of carrying around fun and pretty artwork on me. It’s a conversation point. It’s pretty. It’s stuff I love or stuff that has a story. And it’s all been done by friends. It’s never something I would regret or be made to feel ashamed of.

          • I right there with you for how I view my own tattoos. I dig them. Love looking at them. Didn’t get them for others to look at. I have something coming up that you will probably appreciate. Probably tomorrow. Its about my date with a libdude. ;)

  11. Pretty good though I would focus on what I am rather than what I’m not. :) saying what you’re not sounds conceited (which i think is a turnoff) But otherwise I get the point. :) for me its better to write what I am (eg my friends say I’m a great cook and have a great smile) and what I want (eg I want someone to grow old and have fun with)

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